it's been ages since i've updated my blog.

i have simply no mood and, it's like i am on some writer's blog. i can't seem to think of anything to pen it down?

this month and the month before, ... is somewhat put and emotional and mental stress onto me. perhaps, that could be on of the main reason that i could not pen down my thoughts and i am so distracted.

family issues. sigh~! i understand that people are emotional and i agree, that some are sensitive. however, i must admit.. my family is overly-sensitive... a small comment, words or actions to guide them to the correct path... is that even wrong? i have simply nothing to say. family are supposed to be bonded together and trusting. they have strong bonds and basically, such trival matters, should ot even be happening in the family; among family members! where do i see them? at family gatherings, during family dinners, when we are having fun or bonding session. this is our bonding session? how ironic.. i am so embarrassed to tell others that this is my family and i have such nice and wonderful family members.

friends. again, another stressing matter. honestly, what have i done to offend the heavens? i spent a decade of my life in a convent school. now, i am or perhaps going to spend the future or the next bottom of my life with a company of nothing but guys. but what's the feeling i got from them? it's nothing but disgust and fear. correct. i fear my classmates. in fact, i fear all of them. it took me a year and a half just to open my mouth and communicate with them. call it a opening gesture for me to get used to them. they find it hard to talk to me and likewise. i put a barrier when i talk to them, perhaps it's due to the fear that i felt from them? i am not used to guys.

i often ask.. why? why do i fear them? after all, they are naught but god's creations. all i know is that i am not used to their cliche thoughts and their manners and etiquette.. those, are the rarest sights in the convent schools. for a greenhorn like me, i am freaked out. however, i have not even a slightest clue why i fear them. their raging hormones? only, future can tell.

once again, i am being targeted for being a dyke. during breaks i am always found talking, on the phone, with my good buddy. my circle of friends, i am sad or proud to say? are all girls. where to find boyfriends? i have no idea... only now... i have a number if i count my current classmates as my friends. back to the topic, my classmates find it annoying that i am always on the phone. don't ask me why. the funny part is, they always connect it with talking onto the phone all times equals talking with your partner. if you get my point. unfortunately for them and fortunately for me, i am still no strings attached. that fateful day, they forced me not being able to talk to my buddy and clarify the matter with them, which i found highly useless later on. 'cause, they deemed me as a dyke in their hearts and minds. ah~! well.... what can i do? they even offered to help me find a partner, which i refused immediately. i am already scared of guys plus, matchmaking? no thanks! it reminded me of the scene whereby, my cousin is forced to go for dates with two different guys? ahaha... that's so funny.. and i don't wish for that to happen to me. noo way! hell no!

recently, i have been into chinese fanfics. the topic or anime in which i am reading on, unfortunately..those authors can't seem to express themselves well.. and tend to forget one very important element. that's -> the characters are in japan.. not in some western countries. every time i read a fanfic, i feel as if i am in some western country, the feel of it is too strong. that's one. also, there's an increasing number of younger people writing these days. don't get me wrong, i am not against them. it's a good hobby and it's good for improving the language. however, the command of the language, the usage of it, the way the express themselves and so forth, it's not up to the standard. it's like i am reading some kind of pre-school books. oh boy... and they are teenagers and some older? sweat... finally, perhaps it's because fanfiction.net has a huge number of westerns visiting it and normally westerns visit it? the plots are almost and always the same? so much so, that i can predict it just by reading either the summary or the first chapter.. sometimes, both. this is spoiler!! i hate that..