today, it's my chinese birthday. yay~ at least i get to celebrate my birthday twice. i didn't get any present today but my dad brought the family, without samantha, to have lunch. we went to cathy chinese restuarant just to eat. man, i love that place but we hardly go there. T_T am so happy when my dad gladly brought us there, without making any comments. arn't this good?

today, i don't know what came over me, but i have this sense, urge or calling to log into facebook. however, upon going in, i got shocked. in fact, i was stunned. my mouth was like having this 'o' shape while staring at the screen. my uncle had somehow, got forced into using facebook. this is a minor issue. nothing to get me stunned. though, i must admit, i was shocked. what made me stunned was, he claimed that he was married and born in 1920. he's only ten years older than me. heck! this is way older, and it made me look and sound old. what the?! also, he is my uncle and the youngest sibling of my mom. he got married?! impossible. there's no way, he got 'married' without any relatives knowing. here, am i pondering who on earth would be my 'aunty'. i hope, that that lady in which was in his display picture in facebook, is the one~ cause, he never had a proper female friends in the first place.

oh~ my mom wanted me to find jobs. sigh~ honestly, i don't have any papers and plus, the task of finding jobs... to be honest with myself, i have zero experience. also, i am pretty fussy. heh~ this is so embarrassing. =_=

ah~ come to think of it, only one or two will come and visit my blog. haha~ ^_^ at least, i don't have to worry about my personal feelings being spread over to the entire world by some inconsiderate souls and bitchy people. looking at this fact alone, made me somehow pity my dearest one, that she is suffering into some spreading issues. sigh~

i am one open minded person. i somehow got a habit into calling dearest and dear now. i think i got the habit from my ex-tutor and some of my relatives. my parents are supportive of this and including my sister uses this. i think that this is a polite way of greeting people but, i don't understand some people. just by calling people dearest, why do they have this odd look staring at you? what's wrong? i just simply don't get it. sigh~

samantha's classmate had stayed over yesterday night. not that i am saying that she's not my friend. but, it's been a while since she slept over and also, she followed us out and shop. ah~ seriously, it's been some time, that friends joined my mom and all my sisters to go out. other than my relatives or my childhood friend have this experience, i can't seem to find others that joined us. i kinda like it, honestly. there's someone to chat and communicate with. ah~ fun in every outing. that's nice, no? oh~ i suddenly remembered that there's this odd ball that somehow joined us in shopping. not once but several times. can you believe it? not that i am against him, but it's somehow not comfortable. perhaps, i am mostly surrounded with girls... suddenly pop out a guy... wow~ this is odd. all the guys that joined my family out are always relatives. none, friends. moreover, this odd ball guy is somehow had a crush on my sister. the best part? she doesn't like him at all. imagine how odd can that be?!?! sigh~ i am never going to KL anymore. it made me remember the 'coincidental' events that happened there. oh boy, is there such thing as fate? or all is just pure coincidence? that guy... as i was saying went there, same day, same time and the best part? is staying at the same hotel too and same level too!!!! i can't believe it. due to his over boring father, he joined us on every single outing. also, there's this day when we wanted to go to genting highlands. his dad and him joined us the entire day... T___T such memorable events, how can i not remember?!?!?! this would forever haunt me.

i am bored. to kill time, i do online quizzes. however, recently i had been watching some japanese drama, my sisters whom had also urging me to watch. the genre's is on romance, drama and slice of life. most of the episodes are talking about a love square. -_- no more love triangle but squares. two guys liked a girl and two girls liked a guy. how ironic. the two guys are best buddies and the two girls are friends. one girl hold the other as a dear friend as she didn't get to have any. the ending is hard for me to describe and in detail too. i have this belief, should i ever encounter such similar situations, that i would chose my friends over romance. to me, trust takes years to built but a single mistake would damage it. is it even worth it? just for romance. i think not. friends are there always, and for life. trust is so hard to built. romance can wait. perhaps, a better one would be round the corner. but, if i destroy the friendship, i would have lost a friend forever. i have a very bad friendship experience and i don't want to experience it again and allow my friends to suffer the same things as i did.

refusing to face a fact, it has come to my understanding that, i only have a single friend to always be there for. when bored, i don't have others to talk to. i never bond with my classmates and never allow them to come nearer. i understand that, it's me that hinder all friendships. i fear, and am scared of letting anyone close. i don't want to get hurt. once is more than enough. holding onto the past is as good as not moving forward. i understand that, but... in reality, this is hard to achieve. perhaps that's what i think, made me insecure and lonely? it's either i am staring into space building sand castles in the air, or finding people to talk with. there's plenty in my list that i can talk with. i never tried to call and say, 'hey! free to chat?' i don't know the reason for this... perhaps, it's just my feelings that i can never forsaken? chia hui had complained and told me off repeatedly. do i listen? never. cause, to everyone, i keep an arm's length. i don't want anyone close anymore.

loneliness, is hard to fight off. like my buddy has always said- loneliness, a friend of every man. how true and ironic.